I am extroverted like a parcel of excitable weasels....

[spazzychic]

So I found this link useful. I KNOW all of that, but I still catch myself treating introverts oddly. It's usually because I can't tell that they like me and/or if I've pissed them off somehow. I was gaming with one particular introvert for 3 years before I was certain he actually thought I was cool.



Top ten myths about introverts

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Comments

[rian-b.livejournal.com]

I read this recently and it has some nice insights. It panders to introverts a bit, but we get enough criticism that a little pandering is a nice change of pace.

Also, it's a clearly established fact that you're cool. I generally don't see a reason to state the obvious, though I suppose complimenting others more often would be a nice habit for me to develop.

[spazzychic.livejournal.com]

I agree about the pandering. But then, it's awkward for an extrovert to say so. :P

I noticed they don't have a "myths about extroverts" counterdiscussion either. Maybe I'll write one. -shrug-

Hike can haz?

[kendric.livejournal.com]

You could say it's pandering. To me it was a redeeming instead. To explain, here's a bit from the wikipedia article on Introversion and Extraversion (which I totally looked up after reading this through yesterday):

"Researchers have found a correlation between extraversion and happiness. That is, more extraverted people tend to report higher levels of happiness than introverts.[20][21] This does not mean that introverts are unhappy. Extraverts simply report experiencing more positive emotions, whereas introverts tend to be closer to neutral. This may be due to the fact that extraversion is socially preferable in Western culture and thus introverts feel less desirable."

Emphasis on the last sentence. It's nice to see something that encourages me to feel like my introversion isn't some sort of sad, social malfunction.

[rian-b.livejournal.com]

I believe introversion/extroversion is a scale, not two definite states. I've seen people so far into extremes on both ends that they create unhappiness for themselves, though a perfect balance of the two is not necessarily desirable (nor attainable). I'm on the introvert side of the scale, though over time I've developed the ability to exhibit extrovert behavior for limited periods of time. If my normal approach will not work in a situation, I can choose to hit the turbo and burn large quantities of fuel in a burst of hyper-social outgoingness. Likewise, an extrovert will find situations where they need to be quiet and contemplative and should be able to go to that place for a while.

All that's to say, while I definitely agree with the original post and your comments, I'm very cautious about stating that people can't change who they are. Introversion / Extroversion is just one aspect of a personality and shouldn't be used as an excuse for behavior (i.e. "I'm rude to people because I'm an introvert" or "I can't pursue intellectual things because I'm an extrovert")

[spazzychic.livejournal.com]

I would say that the stereotypes in either end get sticky. Introverts are not incapable of being social any more than an extrovert is incapable for being intellectural or self-aware. I think that scale is strictly which parts are easier and which parts require more energy.

[kendric.livejournal.com]

I really think it's more than that. You and I need fundamentally different things in our lives, and have fundamentally different experiences when presented with the exact same circumstances.

You could chalk it up to "everybody's different", but if you dumped me and a bucket of introverts on one side and you and a bucket of extroverts on the other side, you'd find a lot similarities along the lines of the myths above.

I think there's a lot more to it than just which parts are easy and which parts require more energy.

[kendric.livejournal.com]

I think we both read this in a fundamentally different way. I don't see any of this as an excuse for poor behavior. I see it as an explanation that people are different, and what one extrovert assumes is poor behavior is not.

To me this reads a lot as "Please keep in mind that introverts aren't socially flawed, they're just different. Check yourself before making assumptions about their intentions."

If I go to a party hosted by a friend, spend a couple hours, have a good time and then am one of the first to leave... that's exactly all that is. However, I've known extrovert friends to assume that I'm not having a good time because I left before anyone else. They don't grok that I might just be done. The second or third time this happens they being to assume that I don't enjoy being social, and might stop inviting me to social things because they keep trying to perceive my intentions through their own extroverted lenses.

I just read this whole business as a nice reminder that I'm different, and that it's ok to be different.

[rian-b.livejournal.com]

I agree

[spazzychic.livejournal.com]

That is the reason why I posted it.

I guess I just disagree with the thought that extroverts can't talk about serious things, or think about themselves, or be as intellegent.

But I can suck it up, since it usually goes the other way. ;)

[kendric.livejournal.com]

*magic veto powers activate*!

No stealing my compliments, spinning them around, and treating them as some sort of insult.

You're very smart, and can talk about serious things just fine. I have definitive proof. :D

[sartan0.livejournal.com]

Funny that is how I ended up knowing I was an extrovert. I was the last one to leave the parties back in the day.

[rian-b.livejournal.com]

Yes, we should hike. I'm still putting together the puzzle pieces of my weekend, but maybe Saturday?

[spazzychic.livejournal.com]

Indeed. There will be texting Saturday morning.

There's still a few parts of me not bitten by mosquitos! :D

[sartan0.livejournal.com]

I may want in on this unless I am away for the weekend.

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

Pretty accurate, I'd say! Speaking from experience and anecdotal evidence, introverts tend to overload on social experience and public places pretty fast. Then we need to go away for a while and process. For example, I love cons, but need a nice quiet room at the end of the day, and after a con, I will pretty much drop out of sight for a week because there were just SO MANY PEOPLE and SO MUCH INPUT. And while having a friend visit my place is awesome and great, I will also need a fair amount of solitary time after to soothe my nerves, which is not at all about the individual and all about the prolonged social contact.

Parenting stresses me out a bit this way also. My daughter, being three years old, has no concept of privacy or personal space, and though I love her dearly she puts a heavy strain on my ability to deal with lots of people.

[zagumus.livejournal.com]

Recently was describe as rarely speaking but when passion struck, a few words changed the course of an entire conversation.

Maybe it is actually just a matter of word count. :)

[spazzychic.livejournal.com]

Introvert: Someone with a properly adjusted signal-to-noise ratio?

[zagumus.livejournal.com]

properly adjusted is a judgement. Maybe,

Introvert: Someone with a higher ratio of signal than noise.

[fairiebane.livejournal.com]

I'm going to have to take exception with part of #9
"Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies."
I(and other introverts) actively seek out crowded, noisey, or uncomfortable/unknown social situation to thrill seek and nudge my adrenaline in manageable ways.

[kendric.livejournal.com]

Generalizations are generalizations.

I (and other introverts) certainly do not. 6 of one, half dozen of another, and whatnot.

[fairiebane.livejournal.com]

I realize that, but it just sounds like a re-wording of the myth it's trying to argue against, and ends up basically saying the same thing.

[violet-tigress1.livejournal.com]

Like a parcel of excitable weasels?

[spazzychic.livejournal.com]

They just sorta vibrate and get all over the place.

[postrophe.livejournal.com]

And don't even ask what FedEx charges for insurance and certified delivery.

[kendric.livejournal.com]

This thing made me feel exceedingly happy, and made me feel good about aspects of myself that I've long thought were some sort of unfortunate flaw.

4 is extremely worth nothing, as is 6 and 9. 10 is something for me to remember more than anyone else. It's ok to be different. :D

[fairiebane.livejournal.com]

1,2,4 <3